The Wasteland Adventure Girl's Guide to Dancing (Part Uno)

I use to feel bad for over-analyzing life. I use to feel as if by somehow listening to an incessant conga-line in my head about the issues within my life, I was perchance missing something. Or you know, at least in possession of another mental disorder. Worst case, I just might be that pathetic.

I don't feel that bad anymore when I came upon the realization today, that I am not the only one. Books, film, and movies- at times- are simply well-stated over-analizations of life. It is just clever enough for you to miss this---and not coy enough to always be unaware of it. Directors, writers, producers, actors and so on all see life in which the medium they participate in- they over-analyze through it and thus the incessant conga-line of thoughts for someone else becomes a smash hit starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

I see life in dances.

Honestly, I am far far from an accomplished dancer. But if you ask me where I think God will employ me in Heaven, my hope is in the dance team. There is something I find in dance- absolute freedom and courage maybe- that I find in very little else. My technicality is atrocious and I am limited by my experiences in dance but I just don't care. It's like being a writer and having no clue how to use spell and grammar check. You write as you do and if it doesn't follow the tried and true rules, seriously? Who cares?

I see life in choreography. Carefully planned and executed movements to a rhythmn, beat, and lyrics. It all works together to allow someone to feel music through the occular senses. I was in the habit of telling the girls I worked with in Devotion in Motion (*Our church liturgical dance ministry at my hometown congregation...) that what we do is give the message of the music of God to a deaf world. They can see and if that's all, we become the way for the power of the song to be seen and felt on deaf ears.

This is how I see my life. Dancing. You may be the best trained dancer in the known world or you know on So You Think You Can Dance... but you are not above falling. No one ever is. It happens to the best. A simple misstep and you are on the floor in complete humility and embarassment and doubt that you can get up and continue the dance.

But you will because like any good dancer knows, if you make a mistake keep going and there is a chance the audience will never know.

I keep dancing.

I say all this because today I have an irksome feeling that the life I have been dancing for the past two and half years has been... less than what God would have. To feel like a failure is just possibly the hardest reality to face in the Wasteland. It's an issue of proving yourself to God and yourself and then, others. I see the movements I made, the steps I took, the music I heard and I wonder why God was...I guess, moving me as He was. It doesn't seem all that great or grand or freeing.

But in dance, you learn to be led. It's an issue giving up control but you understand Someone knows the movements better than yourself. Someone sees the whole dance, where as you are only learning a part of it now.

I am being led.

I am dancing in the desert and I'm not sure how this goes...

~Wasteland Adventure Girl